I no longer meditate, and here’s why.
I meditated unknowingly, without any method for about a span of 9 months.
I was just out of college, jobless, and at home most days. I had a lot of alone time, since my parents worked full time and my grandma would go to an adult health care center during the day.
I had little to no social interaction other than my cousin. He would visit me often, we would socialize, and then I was alone again. He tried to provide light for me at a time where I had none for myself.
During those 9 months at home, I would spend a majority of my time in the backyard – amongst trees, birds, flowers – the usual environment a backyard would normally provide.
Heavy In Thought
At first, all I did was sit and think – not even noticing the environment. I was concerned with philosophy, from political to religious. I would think upon everything in never-ending circles. As I had little sexual experience at the time, sexuality was also a constant topic of thought.
The meditation started when I began to see the foolishness of thinking over things that were unresolvable and impractical.
In my meditation, there were no breathing techniques, yoga, nor crystals involved. My meditation began as a practical look at the energy I was wasting doing nothing, when my heart wanted to do this and that.
Light In Play
Only when I recognized the worthlessness of my heavy thoughts did they begin to stop. As soon as an impractical thought began, one with no end, I was able to identity it and pay no attention.
Only by not touching a thought was I able to avoid an endless train of burdening thoughts.
When I got out of my head, I began looking around and noticing the environment, seeing life as it was.
The lonely backyard quickly turned into a colorful party, with squirrels chasing each other up trees, bugs resting on leaves, spiders making their way across trees, and trees dancing with the wind and smiling up at the sun.
And only after noticing all this play, was I drawn to play.
Time To Meditate
With the mental clarity playing with bugs and dancing with trees gave me, I was able to get a full time job and get back into more complex social interactions.
During the next several months, I would often find the need to come back to my place of meditation. I was seeking relief from any built up tensions or trying to reflect on the events of the day.
At one point there was no need to take separate time to meditate, as staying in a meditative state became the highest priority.
Keeping awareness, watchfullness at every moment became the method to staying in that meditative state.
My story is just a story, and wherever I’ve reached, I’ve reached on a unique path.
Sitting alone for months is not required to be meditative, it is just what I had to go through to start living intuitively.
That is all that is needed: To Live Intuitively. How you get there is less important.
Thought is not the enemy, thought is often needed to work things out.
Thought, when serving our intuition, can be a beautiful resource – and can be given a rest when intuition says to rest.
Thought, when entertaining itself, can be a draining activity – and can be entertained endlessly.
Hovhannes Mkhitaryan from The LA Trainer